Grow Up or Get Gone!!!

Part 1 - "The Nature Boy" Ric Flair

Tanight.blogspot.com will be doing a 8 part segment on some of the greatest wrestlers from back in the day. We will try to cover at least one a month.

Name: Ric Flair
Height/Weight: 6'1 260. Flair always fluctuated his weight. Some times the pecks were hard but most of the time Flair had tits that sagged like an 80 year old women.
Belts: 16 time world Champion: Yeah when your wrestle for 40 years you add up these kind of stats. He held the belt for two years straight from 1986-1988.
Nickname: Nature Boy
Proudest Moment: Flair stole the show in the 1992 Royal Rumble. If you haven't seen this one I suggest going to your local Blockbuster and finding this beauty. Flair entered as the third man in the ring. Fainted a few times during the match but out did everyone to steal the belt. WOOOOO!!!
Finishing Move: Figure Four Leg Wrap
Greatest Quote: "My Shoes Cost More Than Your House"
Something you might not know about Flair: He has a day named after himself in Minneapolis.

WOOOOO!! Does any guy give Donny a bigger hard on than the Nature Boy Ric Flair? Look at the locks on this beautiful man. This guy could keep a tan through a harsh winter in Alaska. My love for Ric Flair goes back to when I was a kid and used to watch every Saturday as Ric Flair took on some no name, got dominated during the whole match, but in the end caught the Average Joe with a backhand across the chest, which apparently could take down a 285 pound hard ass wrestler. After his opponent was on the mat, no one could escape the figure four. It was all but over. Cockiness and Iggroance was Flair's main objectives in the WWF. From his theme song to the ruffles in one of his many great robes, Flair brought a special something to the WWF. After a few failed marriages, numerous DUI's and enough Steroids to pump up the Easter Bunny, Flairs career and classy persona will be heavily missed in the WWF.

Ron's Sports Fanatic of the Week

In anticipation for the sporting weekend ahead, every Friday I will be critiquing a "sports fanatic" of the week. A picture of said fanatic will be posted and I will break that bitch down.

All right, so this is photoshop gold, but it is just too pure to pass up.....

Today's fan is something special. Okay, so there is NO middle ground in relation to your stance on Florida quarterback Tim Tebow....you hate him or you love him. Well, this fucking guy takes the love to a whole new level.

I won't group all you Gator faithful in with this creep--> (photoshopped or not) but with the love fest for Tebow down in Gainesville , i actually had to double take to make sure this wasn't really a Gator fan, but i mean the fact that this guy is an actual human being is pathetic in its own right.

Fanatic/pedophile Checklist
-Hand held camcorder purchased at K-Mart (most certainly used to map Tebows route from Western Civ 101 to his dorm)

-Snugg fitting JORTS , sans belt of course

-Monogrammed satchel to hold fan/predator amenities like lube, roofies, candy, baseball cards, poster for his marks signature, a #1 fan hand, and an orange and blue shaker for cover when the Event Staff checks his bag to enter The Swamp.....i doubt he gets that far because he will either be too busy taking pictures with fans who are only posing with him because hes such a fucking freak, or knocked out cold by a group of fans because he looked at someones 12 year old son the wrong way.

-Circa 1996 Cellular phone

-a pair of Oakley Frogskin glasses from 1989 that are NOW vintage and worth $200 hidden in his silk Oakley carrying case

-A "Daywalker" goatee

-Sleeves rolled up,,,withTebow's meathead face cropped perfectly on his pussy ass bicep...and

-Classy mullett that has been well manicured and groomed since it has evolved from its former 'rattail' stage decades ago.

checklist complete,,,,CHECK
*not that said guy is an actual predator


ron

Chavalyez's Weekend Viewing Guide/5-Star and other Locks of the Week

This is the first of a regular segment we will have here at TANIGHT where Chavalyez will let you know what and when to watch the 60 inch Plasma and when you can take a break and to go get your Stiz/Drank on. There is not a consistent rating system here but we will let you know how much a certain show/sporting event is worth watching. Also, you might be lucky enough to catch a 5 Star Lock of the Week pick here or there. So for this weekend, it looks like another solid Sat/Sun of CBB as the conference schedules are wrapping up. As always, Chavalyez will throw in some random shit that he knows you will enjoy.

Friday – With “Friday Night Lights” getting canceled and the writers just getting back to work, no new shows being played on the major networks. TBS starts a three night run of Wedding Crashers, an all-time classic. The Worldwide Leader has a double dip of NBA with a pretty god-awful East matchup of the Agent Zero-less Wiz traveling to the absolute embarrassing Bulls. Make dinner reservations for 7:00 Friday night, just in time to miss tip off and make it back home in time to catch the 2^nd game, AI and Melo against the underachieving Clip Joint. LA is out of it but with Yao going down, the Nuggets are seeking that final playoff spot. With Sam I am waived yesterday, taking the Nugs at home -13.5. All in all, a pretty shitty night. You won’t be missing much with Crashers being on all weekend. Treat yourself and go out and get schnockered and bring a lovely lady back. (Editor’s Note: Since writing this Wedneday night, ESPN has made the all but obvious decision and decided to show the Utah/NOLA game. This is a possible playoff preview with two of the best young guards in the NBA squaring off. The pick is Utah and 4.5 even though I think my boy CP3 and the Hornets will win a close one. You don’t just come into New Orleans Arena and try to push the Hornets around.)

Saturday – The second to last Saturday before Conference Tourneys. A lot of games that will have major impact on seeding. CBS is just getting wacky and throwing at us a triple header with Duke/NC St, G’Town/Marquette, and a very big SEC matchup between the Gators and the Bulldogs from the West. Gus Johnson will be calling one of these games so I recommend putting off the yard duties until his game is over. He could make a JV girls high school game feel like the Final Four. There is no UT/Memphis game like last week, but Rece and the boys will be live in Lawrence for a big time game between the Jayhawks and the freak that is Michael Beasley. Chavalyez says lay the ranch on the Jayhawks. The horns figured out that let Beasley get his 30 and shut down Bill Walker and you get a W, and that was on the road. He also likes the Dukies, Miss St, and Marquette in an upset at home (even though they might be favored.) Great day of TV if you are a basketball fan. If not, then go watch 27 Dresses and fuck off. You should be.

Check this link out for more Gus. The suits at CBS won't let us embed this youtube so hit this, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WWdjhRaVQ74&feature=related.

Sunday – If you thought Saturday was a good sports day and Sundays in the spring were made for quality family time, then you are mistaken. CBS just gets fuckin crazy and supplies us with another triple header, with Gus Johnson rumored to be doing the 1^st and 3^rd games. That would be 3 in 2 days. If anyone could do it, Gus could. All three have huge conference and even NCAA implications. The Vols will be heading home against UK after the quickest reign as a #1 in NCAA history. 18 hours, give or take. Let’s see if Bruce sticks with the Orange Crush sports coat. C’Yez likes UT big. Also, Indiana and Eric Gordon travel to East Lansing to take on Izzo’s boys. The Hoosiers have played well since that fucking idiot wouldn’t stop using his cell phone. We love Eric Gordon but the Spartans at home are too tough. (Editor’s Note: You would think after the beating the Spartans received last night, the pick would be Indiana. But what should be duly noted is that the game was held in a little place they call the Kohl Center. It’s laughable to think you are walking out of there with a W. BO-TION.) Finally, a great Pac 10 afternoon matchup between UCLA and Arizona where Love and Collison will be too much. Feels like the tourney already. If CBB isn’t your thing, wait, I already said that. You do have other options. Dirk and J Kidd travel to the West Coast to take on the HOT Lakers, the racing boys are in Vegas (The Spearmint Rhino will have record profits), and a personal pick, the UGA Hoop Dawgs battle the Bayou Bengals. Gotta pick D-Felt and the boys. Finally, if you weren’t able to catch a Wedding Crashers this is your last chance, because TBS never replays any of their movies. Also, the second to last Wire on HBO, best show on TV right now.

Picks:

5 Star - Lakers
Other Easy Money Makers – Duke, UT, Nuggets
Upset – Marquette (at home)

Overall, a fucking A plus weekend of College Basketball. Chavalyez will be sitting back, having a few cocktails, laying a dime here or there, and enjoying the games. As always when you get down, double that shit up, it’s a lock.

"REAL" topic of the Week

Okay, so each week i will delve into a subject of some sort reminiscing on topics that i categorize as being "REAL". Meaning a breakdown of a tv show, movie, board game or any thing of the nature that stands apart from anything that goes on in todays day in age. Things that are 'pure'. The focus on the 'REAL' post of the week will most certainly draw the line in the sand between my childhood and the childhood of those living today. It will probably consist of snide remarks concerning the pampered sheltered lives of todays youth and the vastly different childhood we as early 80's born kids once had,,,,,You will see the difference,,,,Knightrider, Saved by the Bell, The Goonies, Slap Bracelets, Pogs, Nintendo, Hungry Hungry Hippo,,,,,,,you get the picture.


Todays pick: The 1985 classic movie adventure - The GOONIES

What ever happened to classic movies like THE GOONIES. I mean come on. Has there EVER been a better one-two punch that attracts the likes of the adventurous pre-pubescent kid than the Chunk and Sloth combo. Okay, so it does kind of tweek you out a bit when you first gaze upon the beauty that is Sloth, but honestly, Rocky Dennis in 1985's THE MASK had already warmed you up by the time ole Sloth graced the widescreen am i right?

This movie is about as fucking 'REAL' as it gets. I mean the only kind of movie that kids relate to nowdays is Harry Potter. There is no moral lesson or adventurous plots to those books turned movies unless you consider twirling a wand and concentrating really hard adventurous. There is no reality involved in those fairy tales. The only thing that has come thanks to the Potters are higher grossing sales at Target, Wal-Mart and the local costume stores around Halloween time. They take full advantage of every little faggit that tells mommy they want to be Harry for Halloween, i mean do they even bother ordering attire for Harry's faggit Ginger kid sidekick Ron??. The only other noted effect that has emerged with the Potters is the steady rise of coral reef (marijuana) smoking teenagers in todays society. So parents take the following as a lesson-- When your teenage son asks for 25 bucks so he can "check out the newest Harry Potter movie" he and his friends (who all happen to dress like they hate their dad, you know-gothy esque, rocking some sweet black combat boots and sporting one of those 'emo' hairstyles) are going to see, realize that you are contributing to him
1) being really stoned
and
2) buying his movie ticket, a large popcorn and coke, some candy AND in his case probably a hot dog, because he's a fucking douchebag. Who buys hotdogs, nachos, pretzels at a movie theatre???? Kids nowdays do !! People who grew up with badasses like Brandon and Mikey Walsh, Data, and Chunk influencing them dont roll like that, we are REAL.

So in comparison, you have Potter and you have The Goonies. A truly epic adventure in search of One Eyed Willies pirates treasure. You want some antagonists,,,,How could you not be scared shitless of Mama Fratelli, and her demented sons. (Joe Pantoliano's best work this side of THE FUGITIVE) But But But Harry has that meanie head Malfoy on his back, thats pathetic. I mean this was group of teenagers in some of the best/badass clothing the 80's had to offer traveling through caves with hidden death traps as one cohesive unit. The bond forged by Sloth and Chunk is nothing short of classic. In a way they are both outcasts of their groups, Chunk is the funny fatass, while Sloth is well, hes Sloth (see above picture). In the end they come together as one and the loving bond the two forged ultimately allows Sloth to 'take one for the team' as he lifts like a 10 ton boulder for about 4 minutes minutes allowing the Goonies to escape the wrath of the Frattelis and One Eyed Willies badass pirate ship.(a truly amazing feat btw).

What ever happened to the epic kiddie adventure like the Goonies?? Is it just wrong in todays society to create movies with characters like Chunk and Sloth in them for the todays youth??? Does that infringe on todays 'fat' kids feelings, is it not politically correct to cast a 13 year old lard-ass who has a talent as golden as the "truffle shuffle" in todays industry???? It wouldn't matter because they would not be able to relate to such anyway. The computer generated kids today are too spoiled rotten with their visual enhanced effects to actually relate to an adventure as pure as what the Goonies encountered. They want the ooing and ahhhing of Harry flying through the clouds, i wanted the adventure of tying my big brother up to a chair with his pec cables before running outside to let the air out of his bike tires so he couldnt catch me and my friends. (Ie What Mikey did to Brand. How fucking sweet was that you Goonie lovers)

There really is no point in showing a movie like this to the youth of today because they wouldnt get it. They are too busy with their sheltered lives text messaging on their personal cell phones at age 11-12 or playing x-box all day after school, or jerking off on the computer on a sunny saturday afternoon. They wouldnt know the first thing about an adventure as pure as what the Goonies faced because they havent ever made a tree-fort in the backyard or played backyard football in the neighborhood or fed shit on a stick to a friend telling them it was a melted snickers bar or played the 'pain game' with their friends after school. Kids today arent real. We as 80's/early 90's kids lived for adventure, imaginations ran wild, and movies like the Goonies made it cool to feel like that. I mean who better to tie the movie together than Sean RUDY Astin.

So in closing, i dare you to explore the realm of cinema the past decades to find a movie that can stand up to The Goonies and all it encompasses, or a combo that can even be mentioned in the same breath as that of CHUNK AND SLOTH.

be real

ron

Bitch probably has a landfill as a Snooge

This piece comes from the great new show called "Moment of Truth" where contestants answer to a lie dettecter before the show then face those same questions in front of loved ones on National Television. The shows a gem!

Background:
Lauren: 26 year old prominent whore whose life collapses on National Television.

Could this slut be anymore pathetic"? Its one thing to join a game show and grab a few laughs, but to destroy your marriage fuck over your pathetic and poor dad.....you my whore, have issues. The funny thing is you the viewer, the whole time are sitting there rooting for this slut to be incorrect and lie to her parents and her nerdy ass husband. Its not a matter of how she was going to fuck herself but when she was going to fuck herself. Though, when it happened I spit my spaghetti all over the floor.

Chavalyez's reasons why he loves CFB: 1 of 5

Chavalyez coming at ya, live, from an undisclosed island in the Caribbean. It's the offseason in my business so I am taking a little R&R until March Madness kicks up in a few weeks. With spring practice upon us, I thought I would post the first of five segments of the:

125 or so reasons why I love College Football...

125. I love the helmets, logos and stripes on the jerseys
124. I love the noise of the bands, stomping bleachers and screaming fans
123. I love the little bumps on my arms and legs before a kickoff
122. I love the fan competition between friends and family
121. I love the sound of ESPN’s College Gameday
120. I love the fact that I can see a reason for Central Florida upsetting Miami
119. I love the visuals CBS gives you at the beginning of a sec 2:30 kickoff
118. I love the play action
117. I love the dim lights of Notre Dame’s stadium
116. I love the interception for a touchdown
115. I love the fact that I knew that West Virginia was gonna fake punt in the '05 SB
114. I love the color of leaves turning at the end of September
113. I love the bands on the thighs of Florida cheerleaders
112. I love the walk going into Bryant Denny
111. I love the heart of a walk on
110. I love the big sack on third down
109. I love the Southern Miss verse Tulane Thursday night game
108. I love passing out on a Saturday night to highlights of the days games
107. I love the fact that its the only season where crying shows heart not weakness
106. I love the full back dive
105. I love the first bite of a Denny dog
104. I love the throwing of the football among friends at halftime
103. I love the sound of Brent Musberger’s voice
102. I love the smoke coming out of the tunnel when Miami takes the field
101. I love the painted faces

More to come...

Get your stizz on!

To all those overweight, game watching, beer drinking, and emotionally impaired.... what is your favorite spot to scope chicks, drink, and get your eat on?

Verdict.......Coaching Little League is not gay

The other day, I told a friend of mine that I would be coaching little league baseball. His thoughts were very amusing but also very alarming.
"Donny, your not going to try to touch kids are you?"

I don't really know were to go with this statement. Did my friend a) think that it would be very tempting coaching little leaguers or b) think that I was a petter ass fag that wanted to see the inside of a 5th graders cup?

Well, Donny isn't fag, so I have to think that the buddy who asked me this was the really gay one. I started to think back to when we were in junior high. Ronny, lets just say this his name for legal reasons, used to always change in the corner while others were taking off there clothes in the locker room. This is where you have to say to yourself, is it better to let your peers see your cock, or is it better to hide it from them. I know, I know, your thinking well your in fucking 7th grade, most little guys don't even have hair on their prick. This in turn makes kids think that it is weird to change around others. Well, I have a different theory. I think if your the boy in the corner changing, Your the fag, not me. I mean, lets face it, your not supposed to get arroused when looking at another mans junk. So, if you can show your little pecker and display it around peers, and you can also look at another mans love hammer and not be arroused.....this is the staight way to act.

So this goes back to my friends question. Since he asked me the perverse and deranged question, hes the fag. Again, he was the boy changing in the corner.

Donny doesn't blow dudes, he drinks beers and blows chunks.

T is for Tanight,
Donny's out

Under Construction

"T is for Tanight" is currently under construction. When Live, it will make you laugh, cry, be disgusted, proud, and hit about every emotion possible. There are no levels or boundaries we won't cross and no topic is safe from discussion. TANIGHT!