Weekly Roy D. prank call

New segment..........Once a week we will play a new Roy D. Mercer clip for your enjoyment....so enjoy!

Where's Gus?

Yes, T is for Tanight has been lacking in its posting efforts. With the tourney amongst us, many have been concentrating on their brackets. Even the Guide has been distracted by the madness of March and will not be making an appearance this week. We did want to update you though on the whereabouts of Gus and which games he will be calling this week.

This has been straight copied from Awful Announcing, one of the better blogs on the net. I hope they don't mind. This gives you the lowdown for the next two days while you act like you are working on that spreadsheet when you are really watching 4 games at once with the CBS On Demand program. Enjoy the Tourney and Good Luck in your brackets.

Tanight.Blogspot.com Staff

Thursday Games:

*****(12) Temple (21-12) vs (5) Michigan State (25-8) 12:20 PM South (Denver): Gus Johnson and Len Elmore*****
(14) Georgia (17-16) vs (3) Xavier (27-6) 12:20 PM West (Washington, DC): Craig Bolerjack and Bob Wenzel
(16) Portland State (23-9) vs (1) Kansas (31-3) 12:25 PM Midwest (Omaha): Kevin Harlan and Dan Bonner
(11) Kentucky (18-12) vs (6) Marquette (24-9) 2:30 PM South (Anaheim): Dick Enberg/Carter Blackburn and Jay Bilas
(11) Baylor (21-10) vs (6) Purdue (24-8) 2:50 PM West (Washington, DC): Craig Bolerjack and Bob Wenzel
(9) Kent State (28-6) vs (8) UNLV (26-7) 2:55 PM Midwest (Omaha): Kevin Harlan and Dan Bonner
*****(13) Oral Roberts (24-8) vs (4) Pittsburgh (26-9) 3:00 PM South (Denver): Gus Johnson and Len Elmore*****
(14) Cornell (22-5) vs (3) Stanford (26-7) 4:55 PM South (Anaheim): Dick Enberg/Carter Blackburn and Jay Bilas
(11) Kansas State (20-11) vs (6) USC (21-11) 7:10 PM Midwest (Omaha): Kevin Harlan and Dan Bonner
(15) Belmont (25-8) vs (2) Duke (27-5) 7:10 PM West (Washington, DC): Craig Bolerjack and Bob Wenzel
*****(13) Winthrop (22-11) vs (4) Washington State (24-8) 7:20 PM East (Denver): Gus Johnson and Len Elmore*****
(9) Texas A&M (24-10) vs (8) BYU (27-7) 7:25 PM West (Anaheim): Dick Enberg/Carter Blackburn and Jay Bilas
(14) Cal State Fullerton (24-8) vs (3) Wisconsin (29-4) 9:40 PM Midwest (Omaha): Kevin Harlan and Dan Bonner
*****(12) George Mason (23-10) vs (5) Notre Dame (24-7) 9:50 PM East (Denver): Gus Johnson and Len Elmore*****
(16) Mississippi Valley State (17-15) vs (1) UCLA (31-3) 9:50 PM West (Anaheim): Dick Enberg/Carter Blackburn and Jay Bilas
(10) Arizona (19-14) vs (7) West Virginia (24-10) 9:50 PM West (Washington, DC): Craig Bolerjack and Bob Wenzel

Friday Games:

(15) American (21-11) vs (2) Tennessee (29-4) 12:15 PM East (Birmingham): Verne Lundquist and Bill Raftery
(10) Davidson (26-6) vs (7) Gonzaga (25-7) 12:25 PM Midwest (Raleigh): Jim Nantz and Billy Packer
(10) St. Mary's (CA) (25-6) vs (7) Miami (FL) (22-10) 12:30 PM South (Little Rock): Ian Eagle and Jim Spanarkel
(12) Western Kentucky (27-6) vs (5) Drake (28-4) 12:30 PM West (Tampa): Tim Brando and Mike Gminski
(10) South Alabama (26-6) vs (7) Butler (29-3) 2:45 PM East (Birmingham): Verne Lundquist and Bill Raftery
(15) UMBC (24-8) vs (2) Georgetown (27-5) 2:55 PM Midwest (Raleigh): Jim Nantz and Billy Packer
(13) San Diego (21-13) vs (4) UConn (24-8) 3:00 PM West (Tampa): Tim Brando and Mike Gminski
(15) Austin Peay (24-10) vs (2) Texas (28-6) 5:00 PM South (Little Rock): Ian Eagle and Jim Spanarkel
(16) Play-In Winner (TBD) vs (1) North Carolina (32-2) 7:10 PM East (Raleigh): Jim Nantz and Billy Packer
(11) St. Joseph's (21-12) vs (6) Oklahoma (22-11) 7:10 PM East (Birmingham): Verne Lundquist and Bill Raftery
(13) Siena (22-10) vs (4) Vanderbilt (26-7) 7:20 PM Midwest (Tampa): Tim Brando and Mike Gminski
(9) Oregon (18-13) vs (8) Mississippi State (22-10) 7:25 PM South (Little Rock): Ian Eagle and Jim Spanarkel
(9) Arkansas (22-11) vs (8) Indiana (25-7) 9:50 PM East (Raleigh): Jim Nantz and Billy Packer
(14) Boise State (25-8) vs (3) Louisville (24-8) 9:50 PM East (Birmingham): Verne Lundquist and Bill Raftery
(12) Villanova (20-12) vs (5) Clemson (24-9) 9:50 PM Midwest (Tampa): Tim Brando and Mike Gminski
(16) UT Arlington (21-11) vs (1) Memphis (33-1) 9:55 PM South (Little Rock): Ian Eagle and Jim Spanarkel

Part 3: Val Venis

The Big Valbowski!! You gotta love this guy. Eventhough Donny thinks he can beat Val Venus in sluts conquered, I still think my rather large pecker has nothing on the Big Valbowski. Val Venus doesn't make love he makes rapes! I feel sorry for the 1,000 girls that have slept with this man. You know Val Venus makes all of his whores wear red balls in their mouths.

Name: Val Venis
Height/Weight: 6"2 240 pounds of Man.
Belts: In 1999 Val Venis defeated D-Low Brown and The British Bulldog in a tripple threat match to win the European Title. In 2001, he gained a share of the Intercontinental belt but for only a few days. I'm sure he used it as a prop when pounding some lucky lady.
Nicknames: The Big Valbowski, The Hammer, The Only Man
Proudest Moment: He always made Ken Shamrock look like a bitch, because Val Venis wore his sister Trish more than he wore his towel. Trish fed on the Big Valbowski more than a hundred times. This eventually made Ken Shamrock collaspe and become a irrational Christian Conservative.
Finishing Move: The Money Shot- You find me a better name for a finishing move in the WWE.
Greatest Quote: "Hello Ladies"
Something you might not know about Val Venis: He takes after T is for Tanight and is a big blogger. You can find his stuff on the fretarian.com. He is a liberarian. Whatever the fuck that means. Also a big Ron Paul supporter, so basically Val Venis is a stupid fuck! My bet, to much of his blood flows to the wrong head.

Turn your volume up, your going to like this one!!

Volume 2: Maldwyn Rockefeller

Good Afternoon Peasants,

In this weeks eddition, I would love to stir up the pot and talk about a subject that is very dear to Maldwyn. This comes on the heels after one of the biggest scandals in recent years in politics. I’m talking about Elliot Spitzer. The poor fella who got his hand caught in the cookie jar. I do not know the man personally, but we have met on occasion at certain dinner parties most of you would never be invited to attend.
This leads me to speak on the issue of prostitution in America. Yes, there are many cases of child, under 18 prostitution in America and in those cases I am disgusted and think the bastards that get caught for that should be thrown in prison!!

But let's look at what being an adult entitles us to:

1. The right to vote!!- This is one of the most important American rights. It is what makes us American. We are competent to pick an elected official no matter how dumb or smart, vote to who’s taxed more or less, but hey the list can go on forever. These rights basically say at 18 you are smart enough to make the most important decisions that pertain to Americas well being as a nation!!! So, this is one part of allowing someone that's 18 to make their own decisions.
2. The right to fight for our great country. This means you can put
yourself at risk of getting killed in Afghanistan, Iraq, the Korean
Border, the Persian Gulf or any areas around the globe that America
has its armed forces. Seems like those are pretty important decisions
for a person that is 18 yrs old or older to make.
3. The right to buy firearms at age 18, not pistols, but rifles and
shotguns of any kind. From a gorgeous hand engraved pirdy shotgun,
like I own, to a crude browning like you may have in your closet. But
nonetheless you can still buy a gun that will kill someone...
4. A woman’s right to get an abortion without parental consent. Enough
said and personally I'm a big fan because ole Maldwyn has crushed a broad or two. But none paid for, I get enough debutantes that want to ride American royalty!!
5. You are considered an adult in the court of law. This means you
break some bullshit law which in turns leads you to be some big black guys bed mate.

So, basically at the age of 18 in America, you are in all aspects of
life an adult with all of the misery and privileges it provides. (But
you still can't purchase a glass of wine!! Fucking explain that to me
and I will give you $1,000,000. Seriously)
But that's a different topic we will go over at a different time.
This privilege of being 18 and making personal decisions on our own
is as American as apple pie. So my question is if a woman wants to spread her legs for $5000 an hour when another woman will spread her legs for three shots at some bar in Manhattan, why the hell does the US government have the right to restrict American's access to a man or woman’s holes? This is something that has been going on since the beginning of time and criminalizing it only makes society hide it in the corners of American society. Look at countries that have legalized prostitution. The rates of infection among the prostitutes and those that use prostitutes becomes almost nonexistent. (It reminds me of the argument some
religious groups have against distributing condoms to Africans to help fight aids. The religious groups say no to condoms because these people
should be abstinent, how many millions more will die with this
uneducated and reckless thinking?) Nevertheless, the legalization of
prostitution is not going to bring an end to society as we know it or
bring on Armageddon. It will just let those people in the world get
laid whenever they want. Tell me what’s wrong with that? For the prostitutes, this will take them out of such an awful shadow of society and maybe boost them out if society's gutters. But in closing, this isn't a bad deal for the prostitutes because "they own the product, they sell it, and they still own it!" At the end if the day they have the same cash or more cash than the girl that blew some upper east side stockbroker over the sesame chicken at PF Changs. Ugh, chains!

Stop being ridiculous,

Maldwyn Rochefeller IV

Chavalyez's Quick, Off-The-Cuff Friday Picks (Updated)

Chavalyez and The Guide have decided to be charitable and give you some updated picks from the Conference Tourneys. Very solid Thursday, with one sleeper pick still alive in Marquette, while the other, Oregon, went down hard. So here we go...Look for updates later for Tanight's games.

ACC
UNC/FSU - UNC -14
Miami/Va Tech - Miami Pick
Duke/GT - Duke -11
BC/Clemson - BC +9

Big 10
Michigan/Wisky - Wisky -14
MSU/OSU - MSU -4.5
Illinois/Purdue - Illinois +4.5
Indiana/Minnesota - Indiana -6.5

Big 12
Ok St/UT - UT -7
Colorado/OU - CU +8.5
Nebraska/Kansas - Kansas -14.5
TAMU/K St. - K St. -1.5

SEC
UT/SC - UT -12.5
Vandy/Arky - Vandy Pick (5 star)
Bama/Miss St - Bama +5 (CMG gets a contract extension)
UGA/Kentucky - Kentucky -3 (Final game for D Felt)

Big East (semis)
Marquette/Pitt - Marquette -2 (Guide Sleeper Pick for the Final)
Georgetown/WVU - G'town -3

Pac 10 (semis)
USC/UCLA - USC +8.5 (Too many points)
Stanford/WSU - Stanford -1.5

"Remember Me, When Sports Were Pure"...Athlete of the Week

THE NIGERIAN NIGHTMARE......Christian Okoye

Profile

-6'1 253 pounds of pure terror
-Wore a great facemask
-Wore TC Arm pads
-Had a short stint with a PURE cowboy collar/neck roll (top right)
-Had Tree Trunks for legs


Okoye's career was ended after 6 years in the NFL due to a knee injury. He was a monster, a total freak with the ball in his hands....i mean look at the fucking guy. He spent all 6 years with the Kansas City Chiefs
-led NFL in rushing in 1989

-2 pro bowl appearances 89,91

-Has recently stooped to as low a level as a former stud athlete can : Competing in reality television shows,,,,not the "Dancing with the Stars" type of show that is "cool" for athletes and actors, (which blows too) but rather a show called "Pirate Master" where the contestants search for treasure worth $1 million dollars. (seen on CBS, i saw one episode,but Okoye must have been booted or something by then, and yes, it was garbage)
.....And as ive been told, THE Nigerian Nightmare also served as a "PRO" in Spike Tv's Pros vs Joes. But from what ive been told ide rather not watch his performance for it would surely ruin the memory i have of Okoye dominating people.

-And of course who could forget the NIgerian Nightmare competing on your regular nintendo......you know it SUPER TECMO BOWL....he was sick. I mean Walter Peyton and Bo were unfair in Tecmo Bowl, but Okoye was no slouch in 1991's Super version, an easy third place runner in the history of the game.........proven by such an example --->

Yea, you had to gang tackle him in actual life, but there wasn't a prayer on Nintendo, that was great.....classic memories.

Remember me????..........Christian Okoye


ron

Weekend Viewing Guide/Locks of the Week (Conference Tourney Style)

(Editor's Note: Due to a busy work week and coming off a 2 day bender, the Guide will be less than eventful in week's past. Look for the normalcy to return next week as The Tourney gets under way)

Well, if you didn’t notice, Chavalyez was up to his normal ways by going 8-3 during the weekend. That’s why he is paid the big bucks, boys. You better listen up and jump on, cause it’d be a shame for you to miss out on something this easy. The Guide is back this week, starting on Thursday…Conference Tourney style. We will be doing it a little different this week, picking championship matchups and winners for each of the big conferences. Only one NBA game all weekend on TV so this will be heavily concentrated in the amateur game. So, let’s get to it.

ACC – Since going to a 12 team conference, the ACC now uses the traditional format, with the top 4 seeds getting byes. In the past, the #1 would play the last place seed, skip the 2^nd round and already be in the semis. This year, the usual are 1 and 2, with Clemson and surprising VA Tech getting byes as well. Look for upsets by NC State and UVA in day one, with possibly Maryland taking out Clemson in day 2. By Saturday, Bobcats arena in Charlotte will be filled with two shades of blue, as Duke and Carolina look to play a rubber match on Sunday. Dickie V will be going nuts on ESPN while Billy Packer will be his usual awful self on Raycom for local fans. Not sure which you would prefer, but the suggestion is to go with Dickie V and the WWL solely on the HD factor. As for the final on Sunday, the Heels clearly proved they are the superior team, when healthy. This will be at worst neutral, probably pro-UNC as Charlotte has more Tar Heel fans. It will be a good one nonetheless, the best matchup of all the tourneys.

Final, Sunday – Duke/UNC – Pick is UNC

Big East – It doesn’t get better than Madison Square Garden and the Big East Tourney. AI vs Jesus Shuttlesworth vs. Kerry Kittles in the mid-90’s, St. John’s always getting the homecourt support, and Melo and Gerry Mac for the Cuse. This list could go on forever. No other tourney has the history of the venue, players, and great games that this does. Add-in Bill Raftery and a little “ONIONS” and it makes for a great 4 days of games. Always getting the first start of the big tourneys on Wed. morning, they finish in style on Saturday night in the big city. This year, the top 4 seeds are significantly better than the rest of the league. Georgetown is becoming a trendy pick for the Final Four after taking care of Louisville (another winner from last week) for the Big East regular season title. UCONN has bloody battle ahead of them against WVU and could come out of that with a loss. ND and their conf. POY look to take the season series with Marquette. Look for the Hoyas to cruise to the final Saturday night as they are playing as well as anyone right now. As for their opponent, look for a surprise as Marquette will come from the 6 slot and take down the Irish, and then Louisville Friday night. Then, a rematch of an overtime battle from a couple of weeks ago, will easily go to JTIII and Georgetown.

Final, Saturday – Georgetown/Marquette – Pick is Georgetown

Big Ten – Least favorite of the Tourneys and in typical Big 10 form, took forever to conform to the rest of the country. The guide honestly could care less about these guys. Ohio State needs a couple of wins to get in so that is about the only interesting storyline (They will be one and done to the NIT). Look for Eric Gordon and Indiana to meet Neitzel and Izzo in the finals. The pick is MSU. Bo-Tion.

Final, Sunday – MSU/Indiana – Pick is Michigan State

Big 12 – This is where Kevin Durant went crazy and look for Michael Beasley to do the same. They will get to Saturday and have a rubber match with the Jayhawks. Unfortunately, that is where these one player type teams run into trouble. KU takes the series and meets OU, in the final, who will take down an overrated Texas team in the semis. On Sunday, the Jayhawks will prove that they are a 1 seed type of team that will be stuck going in as a #2.

Final, Sunday – Texas/Kansas – Pick is Kansas

Pac 10 – The final conference to change to a tourney champion, has provided some pretty entertaining basketball in its short lifespan. This year should be no different as only 4 teams are definite locks and 3 others are sitting very Bubblicious. AZ State looks the most impressive and if they can take down the Trojans today, they should be in. Arizona, with the longest consecutive tourney streak, needs a win against the Lopez Douches and possibly make the semis. Oregon should upset Wazzu and if they make it to Saturday, they should be in as well. Saying all that, look for UCLA to cruise to the Finals while only having to travel 10 or so miles down Olympic to the Staples Center. As for their opponent, another surprise pick by the Guide as Oregon will look to leave no doubt that they are a Tourney team.

Final, Sunday – Oregon/UCLA – Pick is UCLA ***GUS JOHNSON ALERT***

SEC - Finally, the ole SEC Tourney in the GA Dome. Not always the prettiest of basketball, but usually provides great endings and some Cinderella runs like Arky a few years back. This year the SEC is as down as it has been since the Guide has been following college hoops. Outside of Knoxville and the Orange Crush, there is not a team that is remotely close to making a run in the Tourney. Honestly, as much as it hurts to say, UT will probably be the only SEC team to make the Sweet 16. Look for some madness to begin in ATL as some upsets are bound to happen. As bad as upper tier is in the SEC, the bottom half is even worse. It would be easy to say that Miss St and Arky would get taken down as higher seeds, but who honestly is going to do it. UGA? Bama? No chance. Florida and UK will meet on Saturday, while UT will look to take out some revenge on Vandy for ending their VERY short reign as #1. The cats take down UF in what always seems like a home game for the Big Blue. UT pounds on those Dores and sets up a less than intriguing Final on Sunday. Kentucky will have all but wrapped up a spot in the Tourney by making it to Sunday. Depending on what’s happening elsewhere, UT probably could lose the game and still get a #1. It might not look that exciting, but remember, its Conference Tourneys and its better than watching the Bulls on ESPN.

Final, Sunday – UT/UK – Pick is UK

Rev. Swaggart exhails

Dear Elliot,

Hey you old son of a bitch! Nice going! My wife finally performed oral on me, first time since my scandal went down. If it weren't for you, my blowjob days would have been a thing of the past. I guess I shouldn't be telling you that, but I hope you know your in for more than just everybody on the planet thinking you are the scum of society. Yeah, hate to tell you but your wife won't be playing tonsil cocky with your nads for a good amount of years. You might even want to save that number of that whore you were messing around with, because she's the only one that is going to want to see Elliot Jr. for the years to come.

At this moment, the shame should be sitting in. Yeah, I remember the feeling. Buying sluts seemed like the perfect situation huh? All the girl wanted was some free riding cash, give your little politician a whirl and then be done with you. I guess we both forgot the legal side of all of it.

Well I'm off for a vacation. Hopefully when I come home we can sit down and talk about all of this. Maybe even arrange a service or two, I'm just kidding you ole piece of shit, wouldn't do that to you. Anyway, the first two weeks are the worst. By the third you should be back on the wagon, and dialing for pussy again!!

Give em hell,

Rev Swaggart

The Love for College Football: Part 3 of 5

75. I love watching Hawaii win 66-63 while barely being able to stand in the bar at 1 AM
74. I love a sport with live mascots like Uga, Ralphie, Mike the Tiger, and Smokey
73. I love the Hedges
72. I love "The Pick 6"
71. I love a pulling guard
70. I love Flutie's Hail Mary, the Stanford-Cal Band Play, and Kordell to Westbrook

69.I love that we all know, without a doubt, that the SEC is by far the best conference, No questions asked and I love that USC would go 9-3 in the SEC
68. I love a guy staying for his senior year
67. I love the Cocktail Party, the Red River Shootout, and the Backyard Brawl
66. I love that everyone of my friends, no matter where you went to school, hates Tennessee Orange
65. I love being the first person to get an Athlon, Lindy's or Sporting News
64. I love knowing Ron Franklin has been assigned my team's game

63. I love Joe Cane, Steve Lattimer, and Darnell Jefferson

62. I love seeing cups go flying with bourbon spilling everywhere after a put away score
61. I love a true freshman QB in his first road conference game throwing a pick on the first pass because he couldn't hear his own voice
60. I love not speaking to your date for three quarters and then telling her you love her after you just hit a game winning field goal
59. I love seeing a girl taking a purse half her size into a football game just so her date could get obliterated
58. I love hearing Chris Spielman call a game and thinking he is about to go out there and strap it on
57. I love that prideful white middle linebacker
56. I love Rivals.com
55. I love that Notre Dame can pull 50,000 for a pep rally that includes Joe Montana and Tim Brown
54. I love Bowl Season
53. I love that one fan from the opposing team stuck in your section who has to have the cops escort him out of the section
52. I love a Bye weekend, when you can sit back and bet on every game that has a camera crew and still be as excited as if your team was playing
51. I love a team coming out in the alternate jersey for a big game

Tanight's "Chuckler" of the Day

I didnt take the bus to school, but i think this seems about par for the course

Three Members on a away trip looking to be champions!!

Sometime, you common folk are not going to get the jist of who we are and what we do. WHile we respect your willingness to accept t is for tanight into your house, sometimes we just have to say f off, and write from the heart.

The team has made a long trip down to an undisclosed area. On this trip, we plan to establish three things 1) tempo 2) desire to be the best 3) finishing strong.

Tempo: The boys are ready to play this weekend. We plan on getting on a hot streak at the beginning of the night. Set some tempo for the weekend. Consuming d's is the biggest draw here. How much, how little time, to what effect?

desire to be the best: Everyday and on every occasion this is our goal. When you have that will and that passion to do great things, things will go your way. We have a team built on tradition, that night after night shows up ready to play, and bring the opposing team/ other randoms the game of there life. Are you ready? Because the team will be!

Finishing strong: In the beginning you have to be strong, but championships come in the fourth quarter. When others are leaning, swaying and trying to get out of a situation with moral, that is when it is time to push. Push to the FInish line. There is no wall the team wont climb. IF one member can't get over the others will push that weak link to be the best, to earn what is rightfully his.

As we pursue another championship we will leave you with this:

Chavalyez's Weekend Viewing Guide/Locks of the Week

Final weekend of the regular season. Another slate of college games that will have huge a impact on the Postseason, including a potential all-timer Saturday night at Cameron Indoor. Last week was definitely a trial run for the Weekend Viewing Guide/Locks of the Week. There was some great games and good viewing all weekend and the picks slowly improved through Sunday. We ended up around the 50% mark and will improve on that for sure. To make this an easier read, the picks will be separated each night instead of in paragraph form. As always, look for a solid TBS/TNT/USA pick or two. So without further ado…

(Note: Several of these picks are made without spreads available yet. The pick is made based on the educational guess of Chavalyez in regards to what he thinks the spread might be. Feel free to check back throughout the weekend as picks may be updated.)

Friday – ESPN must think it is 1987 as they have picked up Bulls/Celtics for the 1^st half of its doubleheader. No, Kevin McHale and Robert Parrish are not walking through that door. Unfortunately for Chicago, neither is MJ, Pip or even Toni Kukoc. Bulls fans would be happy enough to have Bill Cartwright and Cliff Livingston to come through that door. This one could get real ugly, real quick. The C’s are coming off a HUGE win against The Guide’s pick to win the East, Detroit Pistons. They have now 6 in a row after losing three straight and are looking to extend their Eastern Conference lead. No spread right now, but if it is anything less than 12, it is a 5 star for this guy (Editor’s note: Spread is -11). Look for a possible update by Friday. Closing out the doubleheader is actually a decent matchup with a lot of playoff implications (Just realized that this could be said for 90% of the Western Conference games for the rest of the season). The Big Fundy and the Spurs head to the Rockies for a battle with AI and Melo. Denver has to be the most televised non-playoff team in the history of the NBA. I guess that can happen when a team could win 50 games and be one of the most exciting in the league and still not make the playoffs. That’s how fucking hard the West is. The East is a joke and should only be allowed 4 teams in the playoffs, and that’s only because Lebron is on that 4^th team. That’s another story for another day. Unfortunately, the Guide has the Spurs picked to win the West and to give us the NBA Finals we are all dreading. Look for Denver to make this close though as they have the 8 spot in their sights and playing at home (This feels like it has been said before). The pick is Denver in a minor upset as they could even be favored by 1 or 2 by Friday (Editor’s Note: Spread is -2)…You would think with a not-so-hot night of sports going on, the cable nets would have supplied the viewers with some solid flicks. TBS will be trotting out the Will Ferrell BOMB “Kicking and Screaming.” Due to the recent reviews of “Semi-Pro,” Ferrell might need to be looking for some new scripts. The last few years have consisted of comedic classics such as “Bewitched,” “Talladega Nights,” and “Blades of Glory.” TNT gets all date night on you with “Hitch” and some Hillary Duff film that went straight to DVD. For true Hollywood cinema, check out on FX, the all-time classic and personal favorite of The Guide, “Home Alone.” Luckily, C-Yez will be in the States drankin it up and won’t be forced to rent something on PPV.
-Chicago/Boston – Boston -11
-Denver/SA – Denver, -2
-Home Alone, “Look what you did you little Jerk!”

Saturday – For the second week in row, CBS tosses everyone a solid bone and gives another tripleheader full of storylines and impact. Only 2 games all day involved ranked teams, but they are both don’t miss on this guy’s list. Georgetown hosts Louisville in a game that will basically determine the Big East regular season champ. Pitino’s boys are playing as well as anyone in the country and with a 2^nd win over the Hoyas, will clinch the title and #1 seed at the Garden next week. JTIII will be looking to improve off of their pull-it-out-of-their-ass win at Marquette. The Hoyas, playing about as bad as they possibly could, still came away with the W on the road and that impressed The Guide. Plus it is a revenge game along with being in DC. All this should lead to a G’Town victory. As for the pick, wait for the spread to come out. If anything more than 4 or 5, look to take the Cards and the points. The Gus Game of the Week (For those who don’t know, that’s Gus Motherfuckin Johnson, a Tanight.Blogspot.com and Viewing Guide favorite) will be doing the Stanford/USC game in LA. As much hatred as there is towards the Lopez brothers (Ace and Gary from SNL come to mind), Stanford is playing pretty damn well right now. Coming off a complete choke job AT UCLA means this team has the talent to play with anybody and should be ready to stop OJ (Mayo, not Orenthal James Simpson). CBS ends their tripleheader with Kansas traveling to College Station. KU still needs Texas to lose to have a chance at the Big 12 title so there is still something to play for. The spread should be something like KU -5 or so. The Aggies NEED a win like this and would definitely wrap up a spot in the tourney with it. The team/crowd will be rockin and it will be a big time atmosphere. Look for it to be close and possibly even an upset by the Aggies. Take the points and even look at the money line. Could be some good odds on it. Finally, Saturday night renews one of the greatest rivalries in all of sports. Duke-Carolina. 8 miles apart on Tobacco Road. Carolina Blue vs. Duke Blue. It doesn’t get bigger than this. Gameday will be live, Dickie V will be crowd surfing and a #1 seed is on the line. Being an outsider to the rivalry, it began to take notice in the mid-90s after both teams had clearly established themselves as top tier programs in the country. The one game that pops out is the ’95 contest at Cameron that was a 102-100 OT victory by the Heels. This game had the “Stackhouse Dunk,” Jeff Capel running 30 footer to send it to OT, and a Jeff McInnis’ clincher. I believe it was a Musberger and Dickie V ABC broadcast on a Sunday afternoon. The next year was even better when UNC prevailed at home this time…Wojo slapping floor at half court in perfect D stance, Zwikker vs Big Greg Newton, and a tip-in game winner by none other than Dante Calabria. These are just 2 of the classics that encompass this rivalry. Now on to this year’s game. Everyone knows the circumstance of the first meeting in Chapel Hill. Clearly the absence of Ty Lawson was the deciding factor in the game. Now, Lawson is back and Carolina is atop the polls again. They have been rolling since the Duke lost, having not lost and won 6 in a row by double digits. The Dukies on the other hand, have lost two road games to ACC bottom feeders Miami and Wake since the UNC victory but are still hovering around the top 5. The ’96 Bulls would have trouble going into Cameron and coming out with a W so don’t think that because Ty is back, this is an easy win. The crazies will be…crazy, and Coach K will have his boys ready to play. Both teams know what’s at stake, but also realize that this probably won’t be the last time they meet each other. The ACC tourney will all but supply a third matchup of the season. The pick is Carolina, but with very little confidence. They are in this guy’s opinion, if healthy, the #1 team in the country. They were able to build/establish depth at the PG position while Lawson was out, which in the end, could have been a blessing in disguise. Psycho T plays with as much heart and effort as any player since Brian Cardinal was patrolling the Big 10 for Gene Keady’s Boilermakers. Add in the smoothness of Wayne “You Stay Classy” Ellington, and this is a serious Final Four team. If the Dukies are hitting the 3’s like game 1, it could be trouble. UNC needs to establish Tyler early and often, while also trying to push the ball any chance they can get. The athleticism advantage is clearly with the Heels (Just look at how many white guys play for Duke), so as long as they can keep the tempo up and then go inside when running the half court O, they should be alright. With all of that, expect this to be a typical Duke-Carolina classic…If for some reason you do not care to watch any of these games (I wonder why you are even reading this site), then TBS will be showing another disgrace in remakes in “Bad News Bears” (Billy Bob version) and TNT will go with “Air Force One” for the 756^th time. ABC counters that with a primetime network premiere of “Road to Perdition,” a great film starring Tom Hanks and Paul Newman. A Best supporting actor nomination was given to Newman in this very underrated, Prohibition-era story revolving around the mob and a father/son connection. Definitely recommend recording this while watching the games.
-Georgetown, if 5 or less
-Stanford, big time
-Tx AM, upset pick (straight up)
-Carolina, just because a pick has to be made
-“Road to Perdition”

Sunday – A pretty fair day of basketball as most teams will have wrapped up their regular season. CBS trots out a weak tripleheader which includes a neither ranked matchup between Florida and Kentucky. It has been too long to even remember when a game between these 2 teams on the last Sunday of the season involves both being unranked. This doesn’t mean that it still isn’t important. Both are very Bubblicious, and a loss here is much more impactful than a win. It’s Senior Day for what seems like 12^th yr players Ramel Bradley and Joe Crawford. Both these guys came in as big time pickups for Tubby and could end their career in the NIT. Patrick Patterson was living up to the hype until a season ending injury (For him and the Cats). Florida on the other hand, is living off of an embarrassing non-conference schedule and sitting above 20 wins. A loss here, and they end up at .500 in conference. Not exactly what Billy Donavon had in mind when turning down 30 mil from the Magic. He knew his team was not on the level of the past 2 years, but he had to have thought that they eventually would have turned the corner by now. It appeared to be happening last night, but an absolute choke job by the Gators allowed UT to come back from 16 down in the first half. You can thank Jeremy Foley and his scheduling staff if the Gators somehow make the Tourney. The pick is definitely UK, even though they are a mediocre-at-best team w/o Patterson. It’s Senior Day, and “you don’t boo seniors.” Also on the CBS docket is the Missouri Valley Championship game, which if Drake does not win, then that is one less team Dancin. The Cuse, UK, Florida, and many others will have as much interest in this as Drake fans. Stick with Drake to win it, even though they have lost 3 of their last six after going 22-1. Finally, Purdue travels to Michigan in a game that The Guide will probably even skip. Purdue lost its chance at the Big 10 title with a loss to Ohio St Tuesday night, so look for Michigan to at least cover at home. ABC’s afternoon Pro game is another one of those Western Conference playoff deciders. Phoenix hosts San Antonio, while Suns GM Steve Kerr will look on wondering who the hell rufied him and allowed the Shaq trade to happen. This is beginning to look a lot like the Randy Moss to NE trade…Except the exact OPPOSITE. Take Phoenix as this is a statement game and if they lose, you can just start betting against them the rest of the season as they will begin to unravel…Oh yea, and FUCKING Chicago is on ESPN again. Hey WWL suits, the Bulls fucking blow. Take Detroit, lay the ranch…The Winston/Nextel/Sprint/Keg Cup race will be in the dirty dirty on Sunday. Hot Carl Edwards has won 2 in a row, even though he cheated last week. You gotta love NASCAR. Fantasy Nascar friend of the Guide, The Die Hard Dick Trickle’s are going with Matt Kenseth. His word is the bible in this regard…Final episode of The Wire on HBO. Looks like McNulty is going down and who knows if the charges will be able to stick on Omar and his crew. Should be a good one, just like the entire season. A double dose of “Kicking and Screaming” on TBS, as their ratings drop to record lows (By the way, what a terrible fucking weekend of movies by TBS. Where’s Uncle Buck or King Ralph? It’s been like 3 months since they were on). That wraps up your weekend and another version of The Guide.
-Kentucky, Senior Day for Bradley/Crawford
-Drake, if in the final
-Purdue, big time
-Phoenix, statement game
-Detroit, cause we are sick of Chicago being on TV
-The Wire, final episode

Ron's 'REAL' Topic of the Week...... "GREEN ARMY MEN BATTLES"

One of the greatest joys of my youth was scoring a bag or bucket of green army men. I mean these things were fucking badass. I dont know the exact number of army men i accumulated as a kid but it was somewhere between 507 and 1139 and that is a shit ton of green army men. The thing about them is, unlike your Cobra Commander, Zartan, Duke or other prized Gi Joe figurine, EACH of these army men had no meaning to you, thus no souls. They were just another statistic to a kid. Hell, you lost at least a handful in each battle you concocted in the back yard.

Postives
-They were replaceable...if your dog eats one, you have 36 more willing and able green army men to take his place
-Your younger sister couldnt steal them to serve as Barbie's date for the night riding around in her cooool Corvette....however i did catch my Ultimate Warrior in the front seat one day,,,, and you know how this story goes-The Warrior "de-clothes" young Barbie and kicks her ass to teach my younger sister a lesson, he/me then drive off in the car from the playroom into my room where the door is quickly shut and locked. Younger sister cries and tattles on me, comes back saying "mommy said to give me my Barbie mobile back etc,,," well of course i have to oblige, but only after kicking her ass.
-As you got older the massive amount of collected green army men became a source of entertainment in a different way.
###stealing dads lighter and mutilating green men limbs (you could really do a number on the "crawling trooper")
###attempt to 'magnify glass' green army men limbs
###target practice for that badass slingshot and even more importantly upon the purchase of that swwweet pellet gun
-Green army men could be left outside, rain, snow, sun, it didnt matter these mother fuckers were about as hard as it gets

STORY
You could score a bag o' 50 green men to add to your growing collection only to challenge your older brother and his "TAN army men" on this patch of rugged terrain you designed in the back yard. Sadly for you, the younger brother you always lost,,,,,I mean i could set up my 200 green army men regiment in squadrons spread across the rock garden in the backyard looking down on the patio where brothers batallion was camped and still get my ass beat. I mean honestly, i would take 48 minutes to set my men up in the rock garden hidden between rocks and flowers and soil blockades before i would go inside and disrupt my brother from his game of ZELDA by asking him to come fight my green army men. I mean the audacity of him to gather those TAN army men and quickly set them up in plain view with only the protection of a few bricks he found next door and the natural crevasses of the patios battlefield. I mean my green men had the fucking high ground did they not??? Two hundred plus men strong including a couple guys with bazookas (you got one per bag) and a few vehicles were set up looking down on his rather massive Tan batallion. I mean this was some Vietnam Hamburger Hill type assault he would have to deploy to knock my green men off their perch. This victory was total crap like the rest of them, BUT i always got some kills and a moral victory in the process. Looking back at events like this as a kid brings a smile to my face. Comradery among brothers and friends as you set up and participate in MASSIVE fake battles with two inch plastic green men was something that I will never forget, but its also something that the kids nowdays will never have the honor of understanding, and that is a TRAVESTY.

Well,,,,,, i found this link,,,, i mean these guys are probably like 20 something narrarating this, but THIS video totally exemplifies what kids did back in the day. Most of the time it was you pitting your green men versus themselves unless you got lucky and stole your brothers TAN army men without getting caught and beat up. Talking to yourself, pairing the "crawling green guy" with the kneeling bazooka wielding green guy on a secret mission to flank the enemy and take out their communication and a portion of the neatly prepared platoon that is just standing their posing (with with any one of the following: rifles, machine guns, submachine guns, sniper rifles, pistols, grenades, and bazookas) as the green army guys they are. Well here, watch this video and imagine yourself back in your day whether it be 1950s when they first came about or the late 80's when i wore them out and imagine the unlimited fun you can have with these green army men, especially with the vivid imagination as that young pecker head you once were.

(really watch the vid, this is what kids USED to do alone or with brothers and friends in their backyard/playroom/any surface that the army green men's circular mold could steadily remain upright. Remember your mom would buy you a new bag of green army men for the sole reason that she wouldnt have to deal with your ass for the rest of the day. The guys in the video just seem to be re-enacting their battles as kids only now they have the where with all of battle tactics in addition to the proper grasp of the english language.)



Why
So how come i don't hear of any kids nowdays playing with green army men??? Do parents frown upon green army men. Does it support violence??? It can, but whats wrong with that. Get them out off the x-box, don't give them cell pieces at age 8, i want to see some kids be kids again, too much sheltering.... Unless you know your kid is going to grow up "hating his dad" or you can see that they on the straight path to shooting up a school or place of work then whats the big deal with letting him gather a battallion of 300 green army men strong and taking them to the backyard to fake kill the shit out of each other?? Green army men battles allowed young adventurous kids to let their imaginations run wild....they were freedom, they gave you space, they were pure,,,,,,,,they were REAL !!!

$3.00 for a bag of 40-50 pre-posed 2 inch tall PLASTIC Green Army Men that are carrying weapons circa WWII and letting them go to battle in your backyard, all the while critiquing and announcing each and every move they make was not only priceless,,,,,IT'S REAL

ron

Part 2: Razor Ramon "Chico"

Can someone please explain the screeching of the cars? If you can answer this question and your a female, you win a threesome with Donny and Razor Ramon. If your a male, I'll give you a high five.


Name: Razor Ramon
Height/Weight: 6"6 285 pounds of Italian Fury! Razor looks like the first one on the stage at Chip and Dales on Friday afternoon. Can you imagine Razor in a French maid outfit? Thats just Donny I guess
Belts: Razor held the Interconinental Belt on four occasions. Why McMahon never let Razor be World Champ still amazes me to this day. Yeah, he was a bad guy, but are you telling me Mcmahon couldn't let him hold the belt for at least one month. He wrestled from 1984-2007, Geese give him a break already..
Nicknames: Scott Hall- if you actually call Razor Ramon Scott Hall I want to me meet.........so I can kick you in your sissy face! Chico, Starship Cayote, Texas Scott, Diamond Studd
Proudest Moment: On September 27th 1993 Razor Ramon, co-won a twenty man battle Royal with Rick Martel. The following week Razor put an arse whoopn on Martel to win the Intercontinental Championship outright. Personally my favorite Razor moment was when he got his ass escorted away from the WWF after countless Sexual assaults and DUI's.
Finishing Move: Razors Edge
Greatest Quote: "Say hello to the Bad Guy"
Something you might not know about Ramon: During his first visit with McMahon, the two were discussing what character "Scott", punching myself in the face right now, was going to be in the WWF. S*** kept quoting Scarface. They eventually decided to put him in leapord, give him the best prop ever, a fucking toothpick, and made him a replica of Tony Mantana.






Razor is real important!! What a complete fucking badass. Little kids want to grow up and be like Razor Ramon. A where are they now on Razor Ramon would be better than stand up. Yes, he has only been out of wrestling for a year, but Donny's got money that Razor is a transvestite working 7th avenue in Miami..............Chico!!

Did You Chuckle ????

Today is the first picture installment of "Did You Chuckle???"

To take your mind off your boring ass day sitting in your office/cubicle in that dead end job of yours I'de like to post some pics that you would normally be able to see if it were not for that fucking I.T. dork at your workplace who blocks off all the "cool" internet sites. (yea, that pisses you off doesn't it)


I will post some randar pictures/farks in hopes of not only bringing a smile to your face, but mostly for that chance reaction of your spitting the drink of choice on the office computer screen, or causing a laugh so loud that your co-workers stare at you creating a "that guy" labeling around the water-cooler, in turn ruining your reputation around the office.........OR, maybe you can email the pics to that one co-worker that isn't a total douche and he can forward the pics to all his friends and they can see YOU were the initial sender- thus allowing them to make judgements on YOUR character based on the legitimacy of said pictures.

Well, did you Chuckle?

ron

The love for College Football: Part 2 of 5

100. I love the energy in the last two minutes of a game
99. I love the fact that 3/4s of people watching think they should be playing/coaching
98. I love the mascots, except for that flying eagle
97. I love the option
96. I love watching Hawaii win 66-63 while barely being able to stand in the bar at 1 AM
95. I love the Sunday newspaper
94. I love the prick attire at SEC games

93. I love the hook em horns
92. I love the three times I have broken up with my girl friend at a game
91. I love the obnoxious
90. I love the downed punt inside the five
89. I love the feel of my teeth chewing on a stadium cup in the fourth
88. I love the tape on the players (especially the black tape)
87. I love the friendly high fives
86. I love the boos of the fans
85. I love the JP 11:30 kickoff (It’s still JP to me)
84. I love the Sunday hangover, from too much football
83. I love the attractive second string quarterback (What?)
82. I love the classy celebrations
81. I love the Cal/Tenn, Ark/Usc, Notre Dame/Georgia Tech matchups
80. I love the running out of the clock............................
79. I love seeing RVs getting in town Wednesdays before a Saturday kickoff
78. I love knowing that on any given day #1 could go down
77. I love hitting that three game parlay early and doubling up on an afternoon game
76. I love the replays of games when Keith Jackson was announcing

Ron's...... 'REMEMBER ME',,,When Sports Were Pure--Athlete of the Week....

Each week I will bring BACK to light an athlete that comes to mind from my years growing up (An obscure name most certainly from 1986 to 1994 when professional sports were "pure" and not the money grubbing industry it is today). You will not see the Jordan's, Bird's or Magic's,.....you will however be privy to guys like
TOM CHAMBERS.


Profile:
- NBA CAREER 1981-1998
-6'10 Power Forward
-product of the Univirsity of Utah
-4 time All-Star (MVP 87' game)
-Career Avg of 18pts 6 boards & 2 assists per game

Nickname: "Tommy Gun"

Quote: When asked if he misses playing, and how the game has changed?
TC: "Absolutely I miss playing. The game seems to have lost some of its focus. It seems like there are a lot more things entering into the game besides love of the game."
DING DING, Tom knows what I'm talking about....HIS era WAS PURE

Attributes:
-Dunking on people
-Great hair...Feathered/Mullet combo
- Tall and skinny. Making for a great fit in a 1980's era NBA uniform. But how about Tom's aura in a public setting.....
-See video (intro)......re: Don't fuck with Tom Chambers,,,,he might wear his stonewashed jeans a bit high, but you got to respect a guy who sports that beltbuckle and those SHITKICKERS. (also: See Cotton and Arseneo's attire. What happened to such a simple era where 'Cosby sweaters' were not only worn but adored no matter the ethnicity)


Gameplay
-Tom Chambers was also well known as one half of the best pick and roll combo this side of John Stockton and Karl Malone. Tom and Kevin Johnson's talent helped lead the Phoenix Suns to Three Western Conference Finals apps. and One Finals apperance in 1993 against Mj and the Bulls. But that run ended as John FN Paxon drilled a 3pt dagger in the waning seconds of game 6.

-BUT what Tom Chambers is most visibly remembered for in my mind was one of the best "IN GAME" dunks i have EVER seen. Video below....video checklist- Commentator Mitch Richmond and his circa '91 "bling", how lean and skinny the players are....and the length of their shorts, fan attire and enthusiasm, Knick Center Patrick Ewing and his dueling wrist band/kneepad combo, and most importantly how fucking HIGH Tom Chambers jumps, his beautiful mullet and his utter badassness.



Oh to see the passion of players in 'the league' during Tom's reign.

Whos pure??? TOM CHAMBERS,,,,,IS PURE !!!!

Maldwyn Rockefeller IV

Well, today as I lay in my king size bed that some slut from Friday night that just left, I am trying to figure out a certain thing about America and the World that just baffles me. Why is it that these poor people of the world that haven't even had the privilege of a private school education think that they are qualified to make economic decisions that will affect the world. These stupid fucks cant even balance their checkbooks. How are they going to balance a multi-trillion dollar economy that affects every aspect of life on earth. One example is those treehuggers that are all about using bio-fuels in our vehicles...Well did you think that the land that is now being used to grow corn for ethanol is now not able to grow Wheat which is driving the cost of food to the world to the highest in history (A buschel of Wheat now goes for $20, historically was $3-4). So, tree hugger, good fucking job, you have gotten ethanol to be used in about .5% of the cars in America and as a result you have driven the cost of man's most important food up over 6 times historical price. This small cause and effect shows the massive implications that are caused when some politician makes decisions and probably hasn't ever had a Freshman year economics class!! (Fact: Sugar cane ethanol produces 8 times the energy per pound than corn based. For those of you that don't see how efficient this is, here's a little math for you. It takes 8 acres of corn to make the same amount of energy as one acre of Sugar cane. hmm...and why do we use corn? It might be the reason we have such a large corn lobby)

You all might be asking why do I give a fuck about corn, the economy, ect... Well it's because of these idiots that my family has to pay more taxes and that pisses off ole Maldwyn more than you will ever know. Each year when I pay my property taxes on my numerous properties, I wonder how many uneducated fucks are going to waste this money and drop out because the teachers we have in these schools are impossible to fire. On top of that, I have to send my kids to a private school. These schools arent the best things in the world, but they will at least get to learn the difference between earning something and having it given to them. This is what these presidential candidates want to do literally. I want of my readers to explain to me why someone should be taxed on their assets when they die, or when they make interest off of money they have already paid taxes on ECT? These falacies only make us a weaker and less desireable international market for people to invest in. (Look at the negative outflows of capital over the last 5 years) These points, I am trying to make, are not the only good or bad ideas out there being discussed, but they are logical to me and I can make sense of them. So please write back if you think you have the brain to sway my opinion. I would love to not go to sleep thinking about all the billions of dollars that are wasted in America daily.

I am not going to endorse any political figures, but I will throw out points in my various columns pointing out the goods and bads of each candidate. Why you ask? Because politicains are whores and I can tell you a few things about whores!!

Stop being ridiculous,

Maldwyn Rockefeller IV

http://www.heritage.org/Research/Taxes/BG1428ES.cfm