Ron's 'REAL' Topic of the Week...... "GREEN ARMY MEN BATTLES"

One of the greatest joys of my youth was scoring a bag or bucket of green army men. I mean these things were fucking badass. I dont know the exact number of army men i accumulated as a kid but it was somewhere between 507 and 1139 and that is a shit ton of green army men. The thing about them is, unlike your Cobra Commander, Zartan, Duke or other prized Gi Joe figurine, EACH of these army men had no meaning to you, thus no souls. They were just another statistic to a kid. Hell, you lost at least a handful in each battle you concocted in the back yard.

Postives
-They were replaceable...if your dog eats one, you have 36 more willing and able green army men to take his place
-Your younger sister couldnt steal them to serve as Barbie's date for the night riding around in her cooool Corvette....however i did catch my Ultimate Warrior in the front seat one day,,,, and you know how this story goes-The Warrior "de-clothes" young Barbie and kicks her ass to teach my younger sister a lesson, he/me then drive off in the car from the playroom into my room where the door is quickly shut and locked. Younger sister cries and tattles on me, comes back saying "mommy said to give me my Barbie mobile back etc,,," well of course i have to oblige, but only after kicking her ass.
-As you got older the massive amount of collected green army men became a source of entertainment in a different way.
###stealing dads lighter and mutilating green men limbs (you could really do a number on the "crawling trooper")
###attempt to 'magnify glass' green army men limbs
###target practice for that badass slingshot and even more importantly upon the purchase of that swwweet pellet gun
-Green army men could be left outside, rain, snow, sun, it didnt matter these mother fuckers were about as hard as it gets

STORY
You could score a bag o' 50 green men to add to your growing collection only to challenge your older brother and his "TAN army men" on this patch of rugged terrain you designed in the back yard. Sadly for you, the younger brother you always lost,,,,,I mean i could set up my 200 green army men regiment in squadrons spread across the rock garden in the backyard looking down on the patio where brothers batallion was camped and still get my ass beat. I mean honestly, i would take 48 minutes to set my men up in the rock garden hidden between rocks and flowers and soil blockades before i would go inside and disrupt my brother from his game of ZELDA by asking him to come fight my green army men. I mean the audacity of him to gather those TAN army men and quickly set them up in plain view with only the protection of a few bricks he found next door and the natural crevasses of the patios battlefield. I mean my green men had the fucking high ground did they not??? Two hundred plus men strong including a couple guys with bazookas (you got one per bag) and a few vehicles were set up looking down on his rather massive Tan batallion. I mean this was some Vietnam Hamburger Hill type assault he would have to deploy to knock my green men off their perch. This victory was total crap like the rest of them, BUT i always got some kills and a moral victory in the process. Looking back at events like this as a kid brings a smile to my face. Comradery among brothers and friends as you set up and participate in MASSIVE fake battles with two inch plastic green men was something that I will never forget, but its also something that the kids nowdays will never have the honor of understanding, and that is a TRAVESTY.

Well,,,,,, i found this link,,,, i mean these guys are probably like 20 something narrarating this, but THIS video totally exemplifies what kids did back in the day. Most of the time it was you pitting your green men versus themselves unless you got lucky and stole your brothers TAN army men without getting caught and beat up. Talking to yourself, pairing the "crawling green guy" with the kneeling bazooka wielding green guy on a secret mission to flank the enemy and take out their communication and a portion of the neatly prepared platoon that is just standing their posing (with with any one of the following: rifles, machine guns, submachine guns, sniper rifles, pistols, grenades, and bazookas) as the green army guys they are. Well here, watch this video and imagine yourself back in your day whether it be 1950s when they first came about or the late 80's when i wore them out and imagine the unlimited fun you can have with these green army men, especially with the vivid imagination as that young pecker head you once were.

(really watch the vid, this is what kids USED to do alone or with brothers and friends in their backyard/playroom/any surface that the army green men's circular mold could steadily remain upright. Remember your mom would buy you a new bag of green army men for the sole reason that she wouldnt have to deal with your ass for the rest of the day. The guys in the video just seem to be re-enacting their battles as kids only now they have the where with all of battle tactics in addition to the proper grasp of the english language.)



Why
So how come i don't hear of any kids nowdays playing with green army men??? Do parents frown upon green army men. Does it support violence??? It can, but whats wrong with that. Get them out off the x-box, don't give them cell pieces at age 8, i want to see some kids be kids again, too much sheltering.... Unless you know your kid is going to grow up "hating his dad" or you can see that they on the straight path to shooting up a school or place of work then whats the big deal with letting him gather a battallion of 300 green army men strong and taking them to the backyard to fake kill the shit out of each other?? Green army men battles allowed young adventurous kids to let their imaginations run wild....they were freedom, they gave you space, they were pure,,,,,,,,they were REAL !!!

$3.00 for a bag of 40-50 pre-posed 2 inch tall PLASTIC Green Army Men that are carrying weapons circa WWII and letting them go to battle in your backyard, all the while critiquing and announcing each and every move they make was not only priceless,,,,,IT'S REAL

ron